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Strange Little Bird: MOVE!!!


Why I chose to venture into the post office this afternoon at around 5:00 pm, I’ll never know. It was not my most brilliant idea.

I made a beeline for the APC, and was a little surprised to see a line of six people waiting to use it. A line?? At the APC? Really???

I’ve only encountered a line at the APC once before, and it was caused by a guy who, with the assistance of one of the lovely Post Office Harpies, was trying to mail a package to someone whose address he did not know AT ALL.

Harpy: What’s the zip code?

Clueless guy: Huh?

Harpy: Um, where do they live?

Guy: I don’t know…kind of near a McDonald’s…

Harpy: [sigh] Sir, please get the address and then come back. Good bye.

I’m not making that up.

My visit to the post office today was even more frustrating, however.

The line was caused by a guy and his little boy, who was maybe 5 or 6 years old.

The guy was trying to let his son punch the buttons on the APC for him.

Guy: Okay, Timmy, press ‘no.’ Not ‘yes’ — press ‘no.’ Okay, good, now press ‘yes.’ Press it harder, try again. Okay, now we have to put in the zip code. Press seven, nine, no, that’s not nine, that’s six, okay, press clear, no, clear is this one, okay, let’s try again, press seven, then press nine, no, no, you pressed six again, so let’s press clear and try again…

Me: Seriously???

Lady in front of me: Sonofabitch…

Guy: You’re doing so good! Okay, now we have seven, nine, so next press two, no, that was one, so let’s press clear…

At that point I figured we might all die waiting for this idiot to figure out that it’s NOT okay to inflict your small child on other innocent people, so I went to wait in line at the counter for the next available harpy. By the time I got my package mailed and walked back by the APC, Genius Junior had finally gotten the zip code correct and Genius Senior was handing him a credit card to stick in the machine, no doubt backwards or upside down.

I don’t hate kids. I do, however, get really irritable when people think it’s okay to make everyone else deal with THEIR kid.

Like this woman I saw in Target a few days ago – she was standing there in the produce section, apparently reading the label on a jar of fancy salad dressing, while her rotten son (who was old enough to know how to act) poked holes in all the melon slices with his grubby fingers and threw grapes in the floor. Why should all the other shoppers have to pay for her lack of parenting skills?? I had actually planned on buying a watermelon quarter! I almost picked a fight with her. People who can’t make their kids act properly should have the sense to leave them at home. If I had acted that way when I was a kid, my mother would have taken me to the restroom for a good ol’ fashioned ass-beating. She raised me right!

You think I’m a monster, don’t you? You think no one should ever spank or otherwise discipline their kids. I’m sick and tired of people using that as an excuse to let their kids run amuck while they stand idly by and say crap like, “Isn’t he so full of life?” Hate me if you want – I’m entitled to my opinion just as much as you are entitled to yours.

[Climbs down from soapbox]

Tuesday April 22, 2008

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